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Bye, Bye Bus Crush

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Bye Bye Bus Crush photo

Bus crushes. Everybody has them. He’s that guy you see every morning on the bus. Or the girl you see every day at Starbucks. He’s that mysterious guy that you know nothing about, or that girl you make eye contact with on a daily basis. For me, my bus crush was also, my gym crush… and my neighbor crush. The great thing about bus crushes is not talking to them. It’s the mysteriousness and endless possibilities that make the guy so appealing. As soon as he strikes up conversation, or as soon as you stalk him enough to find out about his life, the crush fades. Fast. The other nice thing about bus crushes is that anyone can have one. My single, married, and somewhere in between friends all have them. After all, it’s ok “just to look.”

Bus crushes make the mundane more exciting. My bus crush actually started out as my gym crush. Every night, I’d wonder if I’d see him working on his abs. I’d get excited to see this skinnier version of Vince Vaughn walk into the gym, and I would try not to get caught staring (although it didn’t always work). Then, I realized that my gym crush was on my bus every morning on the way to work. Hellllo bus crush! Then, I realized that we live in the same building. This was getting really exciting… in a crazy, stalker-ish sort of way.

This morning, as I walked into the elevator to go down to the bus, I was surprised to see Bus Crush, already in the elevator. Then came the butterflies. We’d never been in the elevator together before! He looked at me, I looked at him, and then I quickly pretended I had a very important email on my Blackberry. I didn’t want to stare. The elevator door opened, and I saw that he was about to say something to me. First I was excited, and then I hoped he wouldn’t say anything to ruin the mystery. Here’s how the conversation went:

Bus Crush: Hey, I recognize you from the gym.
Me: Yeah, I think I’ve seen you there before… (totally playing it cool- in reality, I know his whole gym routine, which weights he lifts, etc.)
BC: Yeah, I struggle there every night.
Me: Ha-ha, you don’t look like you’re struggling. (in my head: you’re not struggling at all, you look damn good!)

So far, so good. Then the conversation turned to where we work. I told him that I work at the Jewish United Fund, and he told me that he had a friend who works there. He mentioned her name and I remarked that she is a good friend of mine and that we grew up together in Minnesota. Uh oh, Bus Crush and I have friends in common, that makes this a bit too real, thus making him less appealing. I prayed that he would stop talking, so a sliver of the crush could remain. He kept talking. Shit.

BC: Oh you’re from Minnesota? I know a lot of people from Minnesota because I went to school at Wisconsin…

Oh no. We have a mutual friend. Strike one. I then remembered a text I had received from our mutual friend, “just woke up in your building- went home with a guy last night”. This was definitely him. Strike two. He went to Wisconsin and played on the same baseball team as a good friend of mine. Strike three. He’s Jewish, from Highland Park, and we run in similar social circles. Strike four, five, and six.

Then came the bus. Thank God. Bus Crush had become a “real person” and my crush had quickly faded. I went and sat down in a seat, far away from Bus Crush, and thought about how quickly my morning (and my crush) had been ruined. First I was excited to see Bus Crush, and then I was “crushed.”

Since we do have friends in common, there is a good chance that Bus Crush will see this. And it will be awkward. Possibly mortifying. It will make my evenings at the gym and my mornings on the bus long and uncomfortable. But this had to be done. I had to write this to warn all the bus crushes and bus crushers out there not to talk to your bus crush. Bus crushes are just so much more fun when you don’t know anything about your crush, and they can be whoever you want them to be, in your head. And Bus Crush, if you’re reading this, please don’t tell me. I’d prefer to go on thinking about you and your cute Vince Vaughn like appearance, rather than have the awkward confrontation that could ensue from this. Thanks a billion, Bus Crush.

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