Turning one year older always leads me to think about the state of my life, my goals, and what I want to accomplish in the future. It also causes me to usually feel like I am in some sort of crisis.
I can't tell if I am having an existential crisis about turning 25 because I feel like I am supposed to or because I am actually, kind of, mildly freaking out about moving beyond the 18-24 age bracket. Alas, my nerves are a little more out of whack than usual, meaning they're really out of whack.
As most people who love writing would say, I am confident that the best way of dealing with these overwhelming feelings is to write about it. That's what I did at 23, too.
So without further ado, here are the top 25 questions that I am asking myself during the week prior to turning a quarter of a century:
1. Does this mean I need to stop stealing the majority of my silverware from Chipotle?
2. What percent of my income has to go to Starbucks to prove that I have a problem?
3. Why is everyone getting engaged? More importantly, how is everyone getting engaged?
4. Seriously, two engagements popped up on my newsfeed while writing this. What is going on?
5. The kind of perfect Jewish boy has to be out there still, right?
6. In the meantime, is it bad that pizza is my most significant other?
7. Similarly, is it still socially acceptable to order Domino's? I am going to keep ordering it no matter what the answer is, but I'd rather just know.
8. How often do you really need to wash your hair?
9. At what age is it inappropriate to consider wine an appropriate meal?
10. Will I ever actually accomplish everything on this list? Is it more likely that I go to Patagonia or run a 5k? At least I go to Israel Eilat (see what I did there?) and am no longer that scared of the dentist.
11. Can someone just set up my retirement fund(s) for me? Please?
12. Do I really have to go off my family's health insurance next year? Can we just pretend that's a fallacy?
13. Will I ever not be tired? Is everyone else always tired? How do people function without caffeine? Maybe I'm cheating my list by asking three questions within a question. Is that annoying? I'll stop now.
14. Can you OD on hummus? Has anyone ever ODed on hummus? Will I be the first victim?
15. What about allergy meds? Asking for a friend.
16. Similarly, how much tuna do you need to eat to get mercury poisoning?
17. Can something be off fleek? Kidding, don't answer that.
18. Is asking for an assistant an appropriate birthday request?
19. What about a life intern? Is that a thing? Where can I find myself one of those?
20. Will someone teach me how to invest well? How do people just know how to do these things?
21. Is Spotify premium a worthy investment? Probably not. Did I just buy it this week? Of course.
22. Why isn't life more like Friends?
23. Do I actually need to stop buying things at Forever 21?
24. Can I have a voucher for all the naps I passed up in Kindergarten?
25. Wasn't I just 21?