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The Bozo Theory

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Let’s talk about Bozo.

Just to clarify, I’m referring to the clown. So what is The Bozo Theory you ask? A very good question since the title really gives no good context clues other than Bozo is involved in some way.

Well, as we all know, Bozo was one of – if not the – most famous clowns. (Stay away from my blog post Ronald McDonald.) And a theory is a proposed explanation whose status is still conjectural, in contrast to well-established propositions that are regarded as reporting matters of actual fact. Putting those two ideas together, the Bozo Theory simply states this:

If you wait until the end, you will produce better results.

I can see you don’t entirely follow. So, let’s give you some back story.

I inherited this theory from my father, a lover of all things Bozo. When I was young, happy and full of no responsibilities (can you really be full of nothing?) my father would take me and the family to a recording of “The Bozo Show.” It used to be broadcast live back in the day, but alas, it became pre-recorded and worse – educational – by the time I was old enough to attend. However, after each taping was complete and all hope of competing in the Grand Prize Game (the infamous Bozo Buckets) was washed away (the kid next to me got picked and was too scared to play and they picked someone else and I’ll never let my frustration of that go!!!!), they provided everyone with a chance to meet and/or greet Bozo afterwards. All the kids would line up with their parents. My dad would line up with his kids. Everyone would have a brief moment to say hi, get a quick picture and then be promptly shuffled out of the studio to let the next kid get their chance. But not us. Ohhhhhhh no.

My dad, you see, was a clever one. We’d purposefully be the last ones to get in line, waiting patiently to get our picture taken. But instead of being shuffled out with the masses, we had all the time we wanted with Bozo given no one was waiting behind us. My dad, with his grand love of Bozo; me, with my grand love of my dad; and Bozo with his grand love of prize games, were able to stick around and talk, along with the rest of the cast without anyone shooing us out. We could take extra pictures, muse about past shows and in general, have some extra fun clowning around (see what I did there?) because the world was our circus. (See what I did there again?)

No one else got this chance. No one but us. And this, my always attractive and now increasingly educated Oy! readers, is the cleverness that is The Bozo Theory. We waited until the end – we got better results.

Now not only does this theory work when it comes to meeting Bozo, as that specific opportunity is sadly no longer available to us, but waiting until the end also has its benefits in other situations. In fact, it’s worked for me on a number of occasions – that number of occasions being 12. The theory in action, for example, may include but is not limited too when I wait for candy to go on clearance after a holiday is over. Or perhaps when I am at one my many Jewish family get-togethers where there is a cavalcade of food and by not leaving too soon I get a cavalcade of leftovers. Or a truly epitomous example is waiting until the end of the credits during a movie to find a delightful extra scene at the end. Marvel Studios has made this a more mainstream practice in recent years with their movies (Mom and Dad, those are the big superhero movies that keep being released like Iron Man, Captain America and The Avengers … yup I’m patronizing you), but the art of the post credits scene originally stuck with me because of the movie Airplane! A film I inherited a love for, again, because of my Dad. And while this is one contributing factor as to why I stay through movie credits, the rest of that idea may need to be explored in another blog. Oh yes, another blog is where this full explanation shall be.

Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Adam, can I use The Bozo Theory too!?” To which I answer, yes. Yes you can. Who knows? Maybe if you stay all the way through the end of this article, you’ll be rewarded.

Okay, here’s the end of the article. Enjoy being rewarded. It’s a tease for my next Oy!Chicago post.

See! Next time, on Adam Daniel Miller’s Oy!Chicago blog: Why I Stay Through Movie Credits Or: Alone At Last!

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