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Stop with the just hooking up already!

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(I’m such a yenta!)

04/12/2012

Stop with the just hooking up already photo

I need to rant a little this month…and I know this might come off controversial to some…but I’m really upset with my fellow 20- and 30- something single Jews— particularly of the male persuasion— who troll around Jewish dating sites looking for girls to hook up with and not date. What is up with this awful phenomenon! And what does it say about us as a people and a generation?

After months and months of convincing, one of my close friends recently decided to try out JDate. This was a big deal. She’d never wanted to go on a dating website before, preferring the more traditional ways of finding a mate, but really wanted to meet a nice Jewish boy and was having trouble finding him in a bar or through friends, so she finally relented. Unfortunately, her story doesn’t have a happy ending (yet) because every guy who reached out to her on the site seemed to want just one thing: a hook up. Even the one guy who did wine and dine her for a few weeks— it turns out it was all a part of an elaborate game for him— just wanted to get in her pants.

I know she is not alone in her experience. I’ve heard time and time again from other friends and acquaintances that somewhere along the way JDate (at least in Chicago) went from a place to meet a mate to a place to score. Another girlfriend of mine stopped her JDate membership all together and switched to a non-Jewish specific site where she can still search for Jewish guys. The breaking point for her was when a guy messaged her with the following: I’d like to get in your pants, are you interested?

Nice, right?

I don’t necessarily think sites like JDate are to blame for this hook up culture brewing in the city, and I get that this can happen anywhere on any site. In fact, I like JDate. My 40-something sister met her husband (second marriage) on the site and I have a friend getting married to the first guy she met on JDate this fall. So I know the site has worked for some and that’s why I was so gung-ho about pushing my friend to join. But I’m really sick of this all too common behavior I keep hearing about. It’s one thing to go out looking for a one night stand in a bar on a Saturday night— I get that and I’m not totally opposed to both parties opting to be slutty— but how do you justify misleading people who are paying for a membership seeking their beshert? It’s rude. It’s wrong. It makes you an asshole and I know karma will catch up to these people one day.

Fortunately there are some really great alternative Jewish dating sites out there that are geared towards people looking for serious relationships. If you’re single and up for expanding your dating horizons, check these sites out:

JWed: I recently just learned about this site and it sounds promising. JWed bills itself as a site that was created exclusively for Jewish-only singles who are ready for the life-long commitment of marriage. They have a screening process to keep those just looking for a hook up off the site— big plus in my book.

TheJMom: Full disclosure, I love this site and not just because I help out with their PR. The brainchild of Chicago siblings Brad and Danielle Weisberg, the site lets moms get involved in setting up their children. Now I know it sounds a little crazy, but the site came into fruition one day when Brad and Danielle let their mom sift through profiles on a dating site. A couple hours later, she had picked out 10 potential dates— they were impressed with her selections and TheJMom was born.

JMatch: Like JWed, this site bills itself for marriage minded Jewish singles. Not only is it a traditional dating website, but JMatch also has matchmakers on hand to provide more individualized attention.

These next two definitely skew towards the Orthodox crowd— where hooking up is probably not such a problem. But if you are religious and looking for a serious relationship, look no further than Frumster and Saw You at Sinai.

A quick Google search pulls up several Jewish dating websites— some I’ve heard of and others not so much— so next time you get discouraged know you do have options and check some of them out!

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