It seems that I’m always writing about things for Oy!Chicago. But I’ve noticed there are so many things I have not written about. I’d even go as far to say there are more things I haven’t written about than I have written about. Strange how that works. This piece was one I wrote at the 11th hour. Well, I guess really at the 23rd hour because I had to wait for the Blackhawks game to be over. Then I edited it the next morning at about the sixth hour, which is super early for me. This is getting far too silly. What isn’t far too silly is the following list of 18 things I did not write about. It’s just the right amount of silly. Enjoy!
1. I did not write about how now that I’m 27 I get to say for a full year that I’m chai and half years old. Heh heh.
2. I did not write about how, collectively as a society, we should know more about Albert Brooks and his fine collection of work. He’s like the Jewish Steve Martin.
3. I did not write about the local brewery, Revolution, that I’ve been obsessed with ever since I discovered them. I also may or may not be drinking some of their fine mead while writing this. “May not” translates to “yes, I’m definitely drinking that right now.”
4. I did not write about my mom, even though it does happen to be Mother’s Day today. See what I did there? It’s because every day is Mother’s Day. (Awwwwwwwwww.)
5. I did not write about my funny Aunt Rhonda even though she keeps trying to get me to write about my funny Aunt Rhonda but this should count as writing about my funny Aunt Rhonda, so I hope you are happy my funny Aunt Rhonda!
6. I did not write about how it’s quiet because it’s a little too quiet.
7. I did not write about that time my girlfriend’s sister ran over my foot with her car as I was trying to get in because I don’t want her to feel guilty by publicly displaying that that happened.
8. I did not write about the last time I read a whole book because my memory doesn’t go back that far.
9. I did not write about how I like to go where everybody knows my name – Pizza Rustica. It’s my place. Everyone should have a place. You should go to my place. Here is a link to my place. Maybe make it your place? Eh? Eh? Uggghhhhh.
10. I did not write about my beard because that amount of epic-ness can’t be explained in any proper series of words.
11. I did not write about eating leftover Lou Malnati’s for dinner while watching episodes of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, because I did not want to make you jealous.
12. I did not write about how Hot Doug’s is closing because that makes me too sad. But seriously….GO!!! GO NOW!!! WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!!
13. I did not write about The Mathematics of Quantum Neutrino Fields because I have no idea what that is.
14. I did not write about my JUF News article about how much I love my family that you can read here because I don’t like to self-promote like that.
15. I did not write about how I’m never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.
16. I did not write about my love of the new Nickelodeon iteration of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles because I did not want to reveal that I’m in my upper 20s and watching a kids cartoon show. Booyakasha!!
17. I did not write about how this is basically a blog about nothing because I’m not Jerry Seinfeld. And what’s the deal with that?
18. I did not write about my Twitter handle, @TheMindofADM, because why would I want to lead you to a wonderful place full of hilarious one-liners and continue your day with incredible entertainment?