It has been two years.
Two years since I heard the words “No Evidence of Disease.”
Two years of seeing the world in hyper-color.
2 years of wiggling my toes, breathing deep, and savoring moments.
I woke up this morning uncertain of how to approach this day. With my 2 year scan scheduled in April, I was hesitant to celebrate my remission birthday without a concrete scientific endorsement.
After some thought and reflection I came to the realization that while the system that I am in has its own predetermined markers and finish lines, it is up to me to determine which dates and moments in time are significant.
The last two years have not only been about cancer but they have been about choice.
The choice to find meaning in suffering, the choice to find hope amongst trauma, and the choice to use my experience as the catalyst for living a life full of profound gratitude.
I may not have chosen the cards that I was dealt, but I had the ability to choose how to respond.
I chose to face cancer in an authentic, open and honest way – a choice that not only helped me navigate the trauma but has significantly enhanced my life in the here and now.
Perhaps there is a chance that my cancer has returned.
Perhaps there is a chance I will again be betrayed by my body.
And perhaps there is a chance I will again endure hardship and pain.
These what ifs, these unknowns, these maybe’s – are crippling.
Today I woke up wiggling my toes.
Today I had moments in hypercolor.
And today I am reminded of how great it feels to breathe deep.
I am here – I am alive – and I choose to celebrate.
Thank you for those that have been by my side – holding my hand in the darkest of hours – and to those that stood on the sidelines cheering from all corners of the globe.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I felt you then – and I feel you now.