This post was written Friday afternoon, following the tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut:
I have never been so shaken so quickly as I was today. When I first saw the story, all I saw were random words, phrases and numbers and they added up to something insane that made me feel some sort of emotion I can’t comprehend right now. I don’t want to comprehend. I don’t like this. No one would. I have no direct connection to anything that happened and I feel this way. I can’t even pretend to imagine what anyone involved is going through right now. Everything on social media has me incredibly conflicted. On the one hand, people truly, honestly need to think about what they say before they post it on social media. This is obviously a sensitive issue—this is not a time to preach or react in a perverse manner. I feel ironic for saying that first part but while I’d rather be silent than say the wrong thing, that had to be said, despite the contradictory nature of it. If this is a jumbled mess I apologize. I wrote this for me, even though it is directed outwardly at times. It makes me feel, not better, but at the very least, like I’m not ignoring what happened. This is what I am doing as the most minimalistic action to keep my head about me.
I like when people are saying to do something. Do something. This is advice that should be taken to heart. Talk to someone. Tell your loved ones that you do in fact love them. Hold them close. Hold them long. Never let go if you can. Tell them everything you want to tell them about how wonderful they are because we all know life is delicate and I say time and time again, we unfortunately don’t live that way. I wish I could live everyday like it was my last. In the most ironic way possible, life gets in the way of that. But we live in a time where so much can be done because of the simple advances in communication, we have to do just that. Communicate. Talk. Do something. Be there for someone today. And every day for that matter. Be a good person because you are one. Show it. Express it. Share it. Live life and be happy. In regards to today’s events, to state the obvious, no one should ever have to go through anything like this ever. Everyone seems to bring up different issues and that is entirely fine, but choose them appropriately. Focus on what’s truly important in the present and express yourself eloquently and humbly. I keep bringing it up but focus on not what needs to be done, but what is it you can do. There is something in your power that can make someone’s life better. Find out what that is and take charge.
I held back tears more times than I care to count today. I can’t remember that ever happening to me in relation to real life events. I was too young during 9/11 to comprehend. I’m almost thankful for that in a strange way. But today, I am an adult, and I know exactly what happened, and I’m holding back tears writing this sentence and I am not ashamed to say it. In reaction to today, I have read some things online that make me downright angry and disappointed and yet there has been a multitude of beautiful words and gestures as well. Take today and know that this should be the worst and cherish that every other day is going to be better. The worst day of my life and the lives of most people doesn’t compare to today for the unfortunate select few. I am blessed with what I have. I am lucky to a level that most people might never get the chance to experience. I have a roof over my head, food on my table and loved ones to share it with. I have no right to complain about anything. Not about my day, not about my job, not about the economy, not about the government, not about anything. I try to cherish what I have because at any second it could all be taken away for no reason without ever a logical explanation. I don’t cherish what I have enough. I don’t think anyone does. That’s not to say I’m not appreciative or aware of what I have, I simply don’t acknowledge it appropriately. Today was a day that is unreal. That shouldn’t exist. But it does. It happened. We can’t go back and do it over. Go forward and do what you can to make every day ahead better and brighter. Be the best person you can be so we never see another day like this again.
If you read this, I thank you sincerely. I wrote this for me and wished to share it with you, and you are an honest to goodness wonderful person for taking the time to participate in something that has helped me get through this day.