OyChicago blog

Do you ever stop looking?

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11/28/2011

Rachel Bertsche photo 2

When I was on my full-fledged BFF search, going on 52 dates in 52 weeks, people often asked me if I'd call off the hounds if I found The One. There were a few times when I considered it. I'd meet someone so fantastic and wonderful that I'd want to give up on everyone else and just dedicate all my time to that budding friendship.

And then I'd learn that she planned on moving.

Longtime readers of this blog know that when it comes to friends I believe in quality and quantity. Having one great friend is awesome and certainly a bajillion times better than none, but I wanted a handful. 

Greedy? Maybe. But people move. Or they have babies and are suddenly less available. I really wanted a friendship safety net.

My major year of dating was in 2010. I made a good amount of buddies during those 12 months, and in the 10 months since, I've made another, maybe, five friends. My calendar is blessedly full.

So the question is: Does the time ever come to stop looking?

For me, the answer is no. I've trained myself to be a people-meeter. (I truly believe this. Being friendly and meeting new people is something I was once kind of bad at, and now I rock. Sorry, but I do. If you think you're bad at being outgoing and talking to strangers, just force yourself to do it. Soon it'll become second nature. I promise.) There might still be a lady soul mate out there for me.

But here's a line that comes up a lot: I don't have time for new friends.

Or: I have too many friends as it is.

Or: So, are you done yet?

As if I'm cooking a meatloaf rather than establishing lifelong connections, here.

I get it. Time is precious and people want to use it on their already existing friends. But it would seem so odd to me, at this point, to just be like "Enough! I deem the search over! Class dismissed!"

Have I shared here the story of the British journalist who met a guy with a one-in-one-out friend policy? He maintained only six friends at a time, and one day sent the journalist a note saying he had an opening. Would she be interested in being his friend?

Lovely, right?

In hopes of never becoming that British twit, I'll keep looking, dating, and hanging with my new pals. Viva la amigos! But I'm wondering, have you ever consciously decided to stop looking for new friends? Ever decided your dance card was full?

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