She looks at you with these eyes
that want love and you laugh so hard
at everything she wants to do.
She runs towards the garbage can, you laugh.
She tries to climb up next to you as you eat, her little head looking up through your legs, laughing with that cute little eyes and nose and mouth, as you laugh along with her.
How can you understand the power of having a child until you have one?
How can you understand the worth of having a child until you have one?
How can you postpone such an opportunity?
How can you weight the scales...
How can you, most importantly, go back in time, and do it again, do it right this time,
have all of those children you were meant to have
that you could have had
had you found the time
to see her, standing there, laughing with you.
And you know that there is no greater love in the world,
there is nothing more cost effective in the long run,
but alas, we can't see into the future
and we can only guesstimate, now
what makes sense
as if logic was the way in which we wanted to live
as if at the end of the day our paychecks weren't really written by God.
But at the same time, it is also through look logic that we must live
how to care for ourselves
how to love ourselves
how to know what we need.
And therein lays the balance.
With all our options today,
to delay birth,
to delay life,
we must decide.
Not a moral judgment
or a rational judgment
but a delicate combination of the two
at its very core,