Halloween is quickly approaching. Do you have a costume idea yet? I don’t take Halloween very seriously. That’s why I’ve known I was going to be Liza Minnelli for the last 2 ½ months. That’s also why I’ve practiced my song and dance routine to ‘Ring Them Bells’ an hour each day. But regardless of whether you obsess over your costume or not, Halloween is a wickedly good time. Below is a collection of some of our favorite Halloween stories. Boogidy boogidy boo.
On Halloween, Anyone Can Be A Star
By Mary Gerlach
For four years I spent more time than I’m willing to admit obsessing about Halloween costumes and drinking debauchery. There are five types of Halloween costumes for girls and I’ve worn them all:
1. Movie character. Freshman year I was Holly Golightly.
2. Pop culture reference. Sophomore year I was Kelly Kapowski.
3. Cute animal. Junior year I was a polar bear (here I am with Oy’s own Lindsey Bissett, my BFF).
4. Celebrity you love to hate. Senior year I was a pregnant Katie Holmes.
5. Anything sexy. I am always sexy.
All solid costumes (although the Audrey homage is a little overplayed), by far the crowning jewel is Katie Holmes. Friends will always tell you your ideas are good once you’ve already put your costume on (the same goes for boyfriends on Friday night) and the standard-issue frat guy has the lowest of all quality standards. The true test of a Halloween costume is the ability to draw a crowd and come up in conversation later, and I had one ace up my scientology sleeve as Katie Holmes: my very own Tom Cruise.
Portrayed by my friend Erin Hogan, my costume was complete, and frankly without her it would have sucked. The magnetism of our combo deal wasn’t clear until she arrived at a party a half an hour after me. As I stood on the balcony, heckling Halloween party goers with a man dressed as Pooh. I heard “Katie. Katie. Katie. Tom’s here!” I turned around and there she was, the apple of my drunken, hazy eye. Erin’s wig looked amazing, her laugh was perfect and the sunglasses sealed the deal.
I imagine, much like Tom and Katie in real life, separately Erin and I would have been unimpressive that night, but together we were Halloween’s celebrity power couple. Hand-in-hand we made our way down Court Street as my Tommy protectively guided me through the crowd and warned passersby not to push me; I was his pregnant bride to be. Later, we proudly were kicked out of a bar after Erin jumped on the booth seats proclaiming her love. We slowly made our exit only stopping to flirt with two guys she knew dressed as gnomes that year.
Bob the vegan bum, not a costume BTW, told me the following Monday that a professor of his asked the class about any cool costumes they’d seen that weekend. One girl raised her hand and said “I saw two girls dressed as Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. They did a really good job.” And that’s when I knew I was a Halloween celebrity. Strangers don’t know me, but they know the celebrities I love to hate. Dreams really do come true.
Lessons I’ve Learned On Halloween
By Lindsey Bissett
1. Never let two Marines who are locked out of their friend’s house help you dye your hair with KoolAid.
2. It is possible to black out twice in one day.
3. No need to buy cups for the keg when you’ve got an abundance of mini pots and measuring cups.
4. Ex-boyfriends do not make good guests over Halloween weekend.
5. If someone meets you while you’re dressed as Patty Mayonnaise, that person will call you Patty Mayonnaise for the next five years.
6. Your night will be slightly unpleasant if you ask an annoying, but nonetheless fun, friend to dress as Warren Jeffs so you can be one of his many wives. He’ll take the role too far.
7. Roller skating with beer in hand down a brick road is more fun than you’d imagine.
8. If your mom makes your dad an M&M costume when you’re five, he’ll wear it for the next 20 years.
9. Fake blood is easy to remove from a wall months after it splattered there. Be sure to wait until moving day before cleaning up that mess.
10. Sexy grandma trumps sexy nurse any day.
Casper the Cowardly Ghost
By Morgan McNaught
My friend’s brother, Clayton, went as Casper the friendly ghost because his last name was Casper, but he was too afraid of the mask to wear it. Needless to say, no one had any idea who he was supposed to be dressed as. When we went to one door, and they didn’t know who he was and then gave him money instead of candy, he shouted, “I hate you, you look like a gerbil!” The woman was hard of hearing, and couldn’t understand what he said. We explained that he wanted to buy a gerbil with the money. She really liked the idea, but said we should ask his mom first.